Comfortably numb?

Have you ever let time crawl past you and realized you have made it to a new place without even trying?

You go about your daily business and time passes. You get through the really annoying stuff - like flat tires and Tupperware parties. These mundane weeks are seasoned with some special moments of late night laughter and dinners with a best friend. There are loud and fun weekends... full of surprises and stories for later. But many nights are spent quiet and completely lonely. Days when you bum around your house in your sweats(not that I have any) until it's 3:00pm and you realize that you haven't even opened your mouth to speak... NOT ONCE. I spent quite a few nights depressed in the year behind me. Laying in bed staring out a frigid window at an empty parking lot. The only thing louder than your heartache pounding in your ears are the sounds of winter weather outside your bedroom window.

And then one day... you're somewhere different. Somewhere... that isn't the deep dark hole you crawled in after a devastating loss. Somewhere that doesn't hurt as much. Somewhere comfortable. But you don't feel amazing or fantastic. You don't feel utter happiness or perfect peace. YET. Relaxed perhaps... Things are ok. Daylight seems a little brighter. And that big sweaty muscle in your chest doesn't feel quite as heavy. The routine of life has pulled you through. Time was once your enemy... but now, you and time are ok. You've found yourself in a new place. Until life happens, you notice that you feel indifferent. You stop and question, "Shouldn't I feel something? Shouldn't that feel good, or shouldn't that one sting a bit." Maybe I'm numb? Maybe, I'm comfortably numb? Is that ok? As someone who categorizes herself as a passionate person... comfortably numb seems like the biggest sell-out of them all. But maybe this is how the passionate cope.

My deep roots tell me that this is just a phase, a time of healing, a time to get closer to my maker... Psalms 55:22. Perhaps that's what it takes... One foot in front of the other. A deep appreciation and gratitude for all you have… For all the wonderful people and support you have been given. And for all the love you have in your life… and Time... Healing... Maybe I will wake up one day, and be somewhere different. My heart will be overwhelmed with that sense of happiness and fulfillment without even trying.

Let the birds land where they may.